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EXAMPLES FROM WIVES
IN CLARIFYING THEIR NEEDS AND EXPRESSING THEIR DESIRES, WIVES HAVE FOUND THE FOLLOWING TO BE IMPORTANT:
- I would like the computer removed from the home for a designated period of time. (A specific time commitment needs to be stated in the contract.)
- I would like the Internet to be disconnected for a designated period of time. (A specific time commitment needs to be stated in the contract.)
- The computer needs to be permanently set up in a public place in our home.
- I want our home to be purged of all movies, magazines, and reading material that are inappropriate.
- I want us to recommit to not watching R-rated movies or T V programs that promote immorality.
- I want our family to move to a different city.
- I want my husband to call me during the day to let me know how he is doing or just to say hello.
- I want my husband to tell me when there have been slips and what he has done about them.
- I want receipts for individual therapy sessions put in a common location until I am more comfortable with verbal assurances that he has been attending.
- I want to handle financial matters for one year or until the pornography-related debts are resolved.
- I want filtering programs to be put on his computer(s) at work and at home.
- I want overnight travel to be eliminated for a designated period of time. (A specific time commitment needs to be stated in the contract.)
- I want us to attend couple therapy once individual sessions are completed.
Once the lists have been created, items are prioritized and divided into manageable units. The couple is encouraged to place priority on the items that set immediate boundaries on problematic behaviors (i.e., computers, overnight travel, telephones). The other items on the list may be incorporated as the pornography use ceases, or as progress is made in other areas.
