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STEP THREE: CLARIFY NEEDS AND CREATE THE INITIAL CONTRACT

In this phase the couple and the mediator carefully brainstorm a list of the active steps necessary to begin living above suspicion, with “virtuous cycles” of relating to one another. During this phase mediators must remember that people who are under stress are often less creative and clear than they would ordinarily be; therefore, this portion of the contract process may need to be completed over several sessions. Most couples in this position are processing a great deal of information and can be struggling for clarity on many things, including the future of the relationship. It may be beneficial for some couples to be introduced to things other couples have done that have proved helpful. Examples from this section may be used for this purpose.

The two lists below represent items couples have actually included in their contracts. The examples are intended to provide an overview of the kinds of things that couples may include in their contract, and are not to be understood as one comprehensive list. Because each couple is different, each contract will reflect different needs and different areas of impact. Therefore, the lists below should not be imposed or prescribed, but rather offered as an example and a series of options.