The idea of safety in relationships is usually thought of as the absence of physical harm. As a child I was taught to say no to drugs because it harms our bodies. Parents and teachers told us not to take candy from strangers because it could put us in physical danger. This wise counsel has served me well!
A couple of years ago I came to the conclusion that physical safety, however, is only a minimum standard in relationships. Laws seem to uphold this minimum criterion. The legal system usually gets involved when someone’s physical safety is in jeopardy. Domestic violence, elderly abuse, child abuse, and plans to harm self or another, are a few examples that come to mind.
Beyond physical safety, I think people should uphold emotional safety as a higher standard in their relationships. By emotional safety, I mean providing a safe environment for your loved ones to share their personal feelings, hopes, and concerns. An example of this could be listening to your spouse’s feelings and acknowledging his or her point of view, even if you may disagree. Feeling safe enough to share these types of feelings can foster security, trust, availability, closeness, intimacy, and certainly a sense of love.
Generally, when spouses do not feel this sense of emotional safety, it creates a strain in the relationship. Consequently, some elect to share their feelings with their parents, siblings, or close friends. Others begin to wander and seek attention from extra-marital relationships. But, having or being an emotionally disengaged spouse does not justify being an emotionally unfaithful one. I suggest taking time to establish or reestablish trust with your spouse by being emotionally available. I think many of us can do more to initiate emotional safety, and share the importance of emotional safety, instead of simply waiting around for it.
One of the best ways I have found to create an emotionally safe environment is by being present and available to your loved one. If your spouse comes to you and desires to share something meaningful, being attentive and sincere can cultivate a condition that is less reactive and more responsive.
Questions to assess emotional safety may include asking yourself, “How do you know when it is safe to share your feelings with your spouse or significant other?” “How often are you emotionally available for your spouse or children to share their hopes and concerns?” “If you’re not in a safe place, what will you do to let others know what emotional safety means to you?” Or, “what will you do to protect yourself from being hurt by others?”
The effects of emotional disconnect or betrayal can have a significant impact on relationships. I believe these steps, if consistently practiced, may provide a healing influence to those mutually willing to forgive, reconcile the pain, and put forth the effort to being present, available, and involved in your loved ones feelings.
SUBSCRIBE!
797 Responses to “Emotional Safety”
Trackbacks/Pingbacks